baby i'm so happy that you're getting more involved in your church. i love seeing you happy like you. it makes me so happy. i'm so glad that you're just falling more and more in love with God every day! it excites me because i always want you to be like this. when we get married and have kids, i want our kids to see how much you love God and how much he's blessed us and want that too.
at the same time it scares me that you're gonna be really busy and that's gonna be less time i get to talk to you. i know it's really selfish but i can't help it. i cherish the time we get to talk so much because it's getting less and less. at least i feel like it is.
i also just don't want you to get too worn out. you already have so much on your plate with school, working out, and taking care of your family that it worries me that you'll just wear yourself down and i don't want that to happen.
but i'm always going to support you in what you want to do as long it's not against the law and as long as it's something you feel strongly about. i'm not going to tell you that you can't do this or shouldn't, because it's your decision. but if i see that you're just tired all the time or you're other priorities are falling behind then i will say something. because i'm your girlfriend and it's my job to look after you.
the other thing i wanted to write to you about is matthew. i'm trying to not talk about him a lot because i know a lot of times it just upsets us. but tonight i showed you a picture of me from prom and you mentioned that matthew had commented on it. so i went through all of my profile pictures and erased any comments he had made on them. i'd already gone through all my other pictures. but there isn't a way to delete when he liked one of them. so i decided that i was just gonna go through and delete some of my albums and on some of them i just deleted the picture.
baby i just want him to be out of my life as much as possible. it was something i had to do. and it was really hard to go through my profile pictures on facebook tonight and delete comments that he'd made about me being sexy. it's really hard knowing what we had and how he just threw it all away. but it's really hard just thinking about how much he hurt us. so i couldn't have those things there anymore. i need every possible memory of him i have gone, everything that can remind me of him.
because it's not fair to me and it's not fair to you either. its not fair to you that i think about him. it's not fair to you and i miss him (the him from the beginning of our relationship of course). but i know that you understand. and i promise you baby that i don't miss being with him. he was just a HUGE part of my life for 4 months and we had a lot of great times.
but my times with you have been so much better baby. you treat me like i'm a million bucks. i promise i'm doing everything i can to get him out of my mind. i love you too much to have him on my mind. YOU are the one i want to be with now and YOU are the one i want to be with forever. i don't want any other guy in the world. YOU are who i want to spend the rest of my life with, to have kids with, and to grow old with. i love YOU with all my heart, not matt and not any other guy.
you are my baby and i have no intentions on that ever changing.
